“I’ll never do that!”
I’ve made that statement hundreds of times in my life.
Drew lines in blood that I swore to the Universe I wouldn’t cross.
And every time .. every *single* time ..
the Universe laughed, and waited until I did.
“I’ll never have kids!”
Said the guy who is now the proud father of an awesome child. One who teaches him new ways to view the world every day.
“I’ll never yell at my son!”
But yet, I have. More than once. In anger. And coped with the fact that I did so afterwards.
“I’ll never get in the same water that sharks live in!”
Said a person who is open water certified, and has dove with sharks. On purpose.
“I’ll never jerk someone’s emotions around like that!”
But I will live with the horror that I have done so for the rest of my days.
Granted, there are a few ‘nevers’ that haven’t happened yet …
I’ve not jumped out of a fully functioning aircraft of my own free will.
Nor have I bungee-jumped off anything.
And I don’t see a second marriage, or more children looming anytime in my near future.
Sadly, I’ve not won a lottery jackpot either.
But any of those could change tomorrow.
Just this week, I found myself stepping across another ‘never’ that I swore into existence with heartfelt conviction –
and ruefully tipped my hat to the Universe as it happened.
There are some ‘nevers’ that are absolute to the core of who I am :
“I’ll never drink again!” Tops the list.
“I’ll never beat my child!” is another.
“I’ll never rape someone!” rounds it out.
Crossing those lines would kill me.
I announce them again with fear – aware of the Universe’s humor – but with the surety that there are times I will deliberately break instead of bending to it’s will.
Mostly? I’m going to stop trying to create more lines in the sand.
I won’t say I’ll Never do so, naturally.
Not that it would matter if I did. 🙂